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You're throwing everything you have at me

Title: Nocturnal Transmissions
Fandom: Eyeshield 21
Rating: PG-13
Length: 732 words
Summary: Kuroki is an idiot and starts calling people about unimportant shit in the middle of the night. This goes over extremely poorly.
Warnings: Lots of cursing. And references to banging. Also just FYI this is set when the Ha-Has are in their second year of college.

Jumonji was brought out of a particularly nice dream involving football and cheerleaders with no tops on by a persistent ringing noise in his ear. He did his best to avoid it and return to his sleep, but it simply would not go away. For a moment it stopped, and he thought that perhaps he had earned himself a reprieve, but then it resumed again a moment later and he was forced to admit defeat.

He sat up in the bed, groaning and rubbing his eyes to try and clear them. Unfortunately, his room was pitch-black, so this didn't help much. He reached out one hand, fumbling at his bedside table for the source of the noise, which his sleep-fuzzed brain was now identifying as being his cellphone.

After a few moment's fumbling, knocking several unidentifiable items to the ground in the process, his hand closed round it and he flipped it open, wincing and cursing softly as the back lit screen momentarily blinded him. After another moment or two of hunting, he found the answer button and pressed it. “Hello?” he said groggily as he held it up to his ear.

An all-too-familiar voice awaited him on the other end. “Kazu, man, I've gotta talk to you!”

Jumonji couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Kuroki, it's...” he consulted his alarm clock, which was one of the items he has knocked off of his bedside table. Its red LEDs gave him his answer as he hung over the edge of the bed, squinting at them through the darkness. “It's four in the morning. There had better be a good reason why you're calling me at four in the morning.”

“Look, man, I'm sorry about the time, I just...I just...” Kuroki's voice was filled to the brim with both nervousness and excitement. Whatever he was up to, Jumonji was embarrassed on his behalf already.

“Spit it the hell out, or I'm hanging up,” Jumonji said.

“No, don't hang up. I'm just...I just got laid, man!”

Jumonji could not possibly be less impressed by that statement. This is what Kuroki got him up for at four in the morning? This had to be some sort of joke.

Behind him, the girl he'd brought to bed last night mumbled in her sleep and started wrapping the covers more tightly around her. It was a cute noise, but it reminded him that he had a girl in his bed whose name he had absolutely no idea of, thanks to a long night and far more booze than he really should have been drinking. Was it Amy? Mary? Something like that? All he could remember was that she was American and had fantastic tits.

“Congratulations,” he deadpanned, “you're now me at thirteen. Did you have a point, or can I go back to sleep?”

“No, I just had to—wait, thirteen? You got laid at thirteen?”

Jumonji sighed, and began rubbing his eyes again. “For a certain value of laid,” he admitted. “Handjob around the back of the school after hours. Didn't really go anywhere, the girl got weirded out halfway through and I never saw her again. Now, are you done, or can I sleep?”

“No, that's fine, I'll just...I'll go,” Kuroki said. His voice sounded a bit crestfallen, and normally Jumonji would have taken a bit of pity on him, but at four in the morning, Jumonji was short on sympathy.

“Uh-huh, that's great,” Jumonji said. “Talk to you later. Bye.”

Without even waiting for a reply, he disconnected the call and closed the phone, tossing it off the bed carelessly. Fucking idiot. Of all the stupid things to call about...

Jumonji rolled over in the bed and snuggled up to Amy/Mary's body heat. One hand snaked around unconsciously to grab a handful of breast, which he was disappointed to discover that his drunken mind had somewhat exaggerated. He closed his eyes, and tried to get back to sleep.


The phone rang four times in Togano's room before anyone picked it up, and when he finally did, he sat in silence for almost a full thirty seconds before speaking. “...hello?”

“Toga, I was just talking to Jumonji and-”

“It's four in the morning. Fuck off.”

There was a click as he placed the handset back down onto the phone, and then nothing but a dial tone.
Tags: eyeshield 21, fanfiction, the ha-ha brothers are underappreciated
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