PikaBot (pikabot) wrote,

  • Music:
Have I ever told you how I got these scars?

Well, I was working at a school. Public system, which meant that it hadn't seen a lick of decent funding in decades. All the equipment was old as I was, at least, and the building was in terrible shape.

Now, I was one of the janitors, but there was this cute little lady on the teaching staff...let's call her Miss English. And me and Miss English were in what you might call a, uh, relationship. So once all the kiddies run along home, and it's just me and her, I drop by the classroom and we get...down to business.

She pushes me back down onto her desk, and keeps pushing me back, further, until my head starts bumping up against this old paper cutter she's got sitting there. You ever seen one of those paper cutters? With the swing-down blade? This was one of the really old ones, without even a safety catch on the blade. Probably should have been replaced ages ago, but hey. Public school system. What're you gonna do, right?

I start complaining that she's hitting my head on it, but she tells me to just shut up and let her run the show, and hey. I've got this...attractive young woman on top of me, telling me to let her take charge...of course you let her, right?

She pushes me up a bit farther, so my head's actually resting on the paper cutter, with the blade above me...but I'm not thinking about that, I'm focusing on her hands and where they're wandering...

At least, I am until she pins me down with one hand so I can't move, grabs the blade with the other hand, and says "I know you've been sleeping with Miss Biology in the Science Wing broom closets."

And then she pulls the blade down, and everything seems to go in slow motion. I watch helplessly as the blade swings down towards me, unable to move, unable to speak...and then at the last moment, it all hits me at once and it seems like the most ridiculous, absurd thing that could ever happen to me.

So I laugh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Tags: everyone sees what i did there
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